Friday, February 06, 2009
Aidan's rough week...
Wow, it has been a rough one here in this house with some hurt feelings. Aidan has a little "friend" at school that causes him all kinds of problems. He follows Aidan copies everything he does etc. Aidan gets frustrated. Who wouldn't? Anyway, because said friend lives across the street Aidan and Ainsley get invited to play fairly regularly so I have them over here regularly as well. I have been cautious about encouraging the relationship because it causes so much trouble for Aidan in the classroom, usually after school they seem okay. This week this friend wanted to invite another little boy over, but then is telling Aidan everyother day ...you are invited, you are not invited. You see where I am going? Aidan finally had enough of the copying and other harrassment that goes on and fought back which got him in trouble for the first time this year. Nothing serious mind you, but my child who is like his Mom and way to hard on himself was devastated. We talked some and talked with the teacher, and I told Aidan that he did not have to be friends with this kid, but he did have to be nice. Aidan says okay, but I still want to be able to play at his house. No honey, it doesn't quite work like that. On and on this went. I told him that the boy's Mother had not talked to me either so I was not sure if he was invited to play on Friday. Aidan went to school upset again and the teacher tried to talk to him about it, and finally she had the boy's Mother talk to Aidan after school. Aidan was satisfied with her explanation of things and it seems that Aidan will have another little friend over this afternoon, another child that is also in the mix of afterschool playdates. I did not do the pick up yesterday, so I will see what happens this afternoon. I don't think Aidan would have gotten so upset had the invitation not been extended and recinded several times. Who wouldn't be confused? I am not angry at this boy or his mother in any kind of way, but what is upsetting and causing problems is that the kids hatch out these plans during the school day without talking to the parents. This is when the problems occur because parents plans may not always match what the childrens plans are. I am always quick to explain, to the child and to my own child, when invitations come up that I need to talk with the other child's parent. I don't think this is unreasonable...they are 6-7 years old! If anyone can give me advice in this area I would really appreciate it. This is the first time where I am in the situation that I am not friends with the parents of the children in question. That is difficult for me, maybe it is just me wanting to be in control of the situation. I came to a small town from a place where children get assaulted going to school, where kids get abused at friends homes, where children find guns at other peoples homes, I admit that makes me more paranoid than many parents I encounter around here. Ah well, I am frustrated and venting. Aidan will be crushed many more times than this in his life so I need to accept that fact and just do the best I can. I am praying, even though I don't know what to pray for exactly, guidance, peace, a bit of wisdom thrown in. If any of my readers can give some advice, I would be thrilled to hear it. Bless you all my dear friends!
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2 comments:
You know in PA I remember a little girl in Kindergarden who daily would change her mind if we were friends or not. Yeah, I remember being confused.
No advice, but I'll pray for peace & understanding for the best solution. Give the little man a big hug from me!
We had a local cousin, Zack, behave in the same confusing way to our two sons when we first moved here. It was hard to listen to, and I had to be very careful in how I handled it. His parents were aware that their son's social skills were a bit lacking, but there was nothing they could do to control it. Of course, they told him it was unkind, but he continued to be verbally unkind when they weren't looking. My boys were confused more than upset. I think we, as the parents, were more bothered. We wanted the boys to understand that they needed to have standards in how they let people treat them. We wanted them to stand up for themselves, but they were more interested in having this cousin to play with at these extended family events. They were willing to overlook it entirely, which concerned us. We didn't want them to get used to being victims.
Turns out, we don't have much in common with this cousin, so the boys only see each other a couple times per year now. Zack does treat them better now. As he matured, his social skills improved.
Since we can't always control who our kids spend time with (because of school or church classes that don't involve parents) all we can do is model how to tell someone that we don't like their behavior. I think you did the right thing in letting him know that he didn't have to be friends with this child.
In cases of real bullying, Doctor Dobson says to keep the child away from the bully using whatever means necessary, even if moving is the only way. He thinks being bullied is that damaging. It doesn't sound like this is bullying, but it is probably good to keep encouraging Aidan to find new friends, since he isn't satisfied with how this friend treats him.
This isn't very helpful, I know. I'll just pray.
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